Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
