The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
