So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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