a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize