Sponge bath it is.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
