We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I could make wine with my vomit
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
