I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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