I will die if light touches me.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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