i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
