will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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