you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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