Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
