is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
