READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
