I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
