____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
