I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
