I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
