she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize