I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
