And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
