p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
