She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
