He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize