I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
