I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
