when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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