I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
