I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
