i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize