Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize