I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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