Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
