Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
