I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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