You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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