Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
