I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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