Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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