forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Two words: blizzard sex
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
