I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
