the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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