12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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