I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
