you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
