You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
