hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
