mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
