Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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