Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
