i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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