The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
