You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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