Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
