At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
