apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
