wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
