toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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