I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
