worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
