is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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