ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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