Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I met the friendliest cop last night
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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