She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
