i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
