Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
