I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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