So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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