So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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